Map your loop

A tool to help you understand a cycle that keeps happening with one specific person — what shows on the surface, and what's underneath.

This is something you can do between sessions, in your own time. There's no right or wrong way. Short, honest answers work better than long, polished ones.

Your privacy: Nothing you write here is sent anywhere. Everything stays on this device. If you choose to save your answers, they're saved only in this browser, on this device — not on any server. You can clear them at any time with the "Clear saved answers" button.

Setting the frame

Who is this loop with?

A name or a role — whatever feels right.

Where are they now?

In my life now Estranged or distant No longer living A voice I carry inside

Are you mapping…

One specific moment A recurring pattern

The outside loop — what shows on the surface

1. The trigger

What does they do (or not do) that sets this off? A look, a tone, a silence, words, an absence.

2. How close or far they feel in that moment

In that split second, do they feel close or far away? On your side or against you? Reachable or out of reach?

3. What happens in your body

Where do you feel it? Tight chest, hot face, heavy stomach, frozen, shaky, numb, racing heart?

4. The loud feeling

The "easy to name" emotion. Often anger, frustration, irritation, anxiety, or numbness.

5. Your protective move

What do you do on the outside with them? Withdraw, get sharp, go quiet, criticize, leave, get busy, please, perform?

The inside loop — what's underneath

6. The softer feeling underneath

Below the loud feeling — what's the more vulnerable one? Hurt, sad, scared, lonely, ashamed, small, alone? Guess if you're not sure.

7. What you most long for from them

What do you most need from them right then? To feel wanted, important, safe with them, seen, chosen, reassured, enough?

The beliefs at the center

These are the quiet conclusions the loop keeps confirming — about you, and about people who matter.

8. What this confirms about you

In moments like this with them, what does it seem to prove about you? "I'm too much," "I'm not lovable," "I'm a burden," "I don't matter," "I'm on my own"?

9. What this confirms about them (or people)

What does it seem to prove about them, or about people in general? "They'll always leave," "I can't count on anyone," "Love is conditional," "It's safer alone"?

Your loop

Take a moment with this. Notice what stands out, what feels true, what surprises you. The loop isn't a problem to fix right now — it's a map to bring curiosity to. Bring it to your next session.